The New Strong-Willed Child

Having worked with kids many years, I can say that this book is highly applicable and easy to understand, and it should be very helpful to all parents, grandparents and teachers.

Most specific and helpful guidelines as well as inspiring and hope giving more than anything else. I have read on the subject for many years. Once again, Dr. Dobson does a masterful job! We all miss him!

Great book! If you’re ready for a change and are willing to put your energy in a more positive direction, I guarantee you will have more positive results. It was a lifesaver (for me and my child.)

I almost didn't purchase this book because of some of the awful reviews I read. I questioned whether I wanted to waste my time and money on something that some reviewers claimed advocates child abuse. So I began with the free sample, was pleased and decided to purchase it. After reading this book in it's entirety I am absolutely shocked at some of the awful things people wrote about this author! Dobson's advice is far from abusive and I worry about a society so permissive that it would label it as such. He stresses the importance of protecting the spirit of the child while helping to control the will. He warns against discipline that is demeaning or done in anger. He gives advice for creating a home filled with love and how to discipline a difficult child while making it evident to the child that they are loved, special, and cared for. Dobson stresses the importance if finding a balance between a household that is too harsh and too permissive as both ends of the spectrum can be harmful to a child. He does advocate swatting a child on the behind one or two times for clear acts of defiance and only after other measures have failed. He writes that spankings should be rare, never done in anger, and always followed by holding the child and lovingly telling them what they did wrong and assuring them that they are loved. However, if you disagree with spanking this book can still be beneficial to you. It is filled with an abundance of helpful information, most of which has nothing to do with spanking. Read it and take away what is useful for your situation and toss what isn't. If you have a strong willed child then I think you'll find it very beneficial!

I notice that reviewers who rated this book poorly seem to do so on the strength of their conviction that spanking is wrong, a form of abuse aimed at breaking the spirit of a strong-willed child. I submit that such people may not have read the whole book. First of all, Dr. Dobson's main point throughout the book is that children must be lovingly disciplined at appropriate times if they are to grow up to be productive adults with a healthy respect (not to be mistaken for fear) for authority. He never once tries to assert that spanking is the only effective method of discipline, and even acknowledges that spanking should be used sparingly, only after other methods of discipline have proven to be ineffective. For a more compliant child, spanking may never be necessary. But this book is dedicated to the strong-willed child, for whom other methods of discipline often fail. So special attention is given to spanking as an effective form of discipline. Dr. Dobson acknowledges that spanking done carelessly and with anger can be abusive, and so he provides clear guidelines for how to administer a spanking in a loving, consistent, non-abusive way. He also quite appropriately points out that there are many non-physical ways of abusing a child, such as yelling, belittling, etc., that inflict psychological harm without laying a finger. Furthermore, he makes persuasive arguments, backed by scientific research, for why properly administered spankings are not only NOT detrimental to the child's psyche, but that parents who spank when the situation warrants it are actually LESS likely to reach the extremes of anger and frustration that often result in physical or verbal abuse. Dr. Dobson also devotes an entire section on the difference between "shaping the will" and "breaking the spirit", and provides clear examples of how to succeed at the former without inflicting the latter. If you are struggling with a strong-willed child but are against spanking, I urge you to critically compare your arguments against it to Dr. Dobson's defense of it. If you don't agree and you're still against spanking, please don't "throw the baby out with the bathwater". There are still a lot of useful insights into the mind of the strong-willed child, tips on communicating with them and helping to shape that will, and encouragement for those engaged in this struggle. And good luck!

This is an amazing book for any parent struggling with a strong willed child. Dr Dobson is a great help and has much wisdom to share on this topic! Despite what the previous reviewer says (I am doubtful that she read the book) this is the opposite of child abuse. She seems to wrongly assume that any time a parent spanks a child that they are "out of control". Dr Dobson strongly states in this book that a parent should NEVER spank a child in anger. It's almost as if she has some sort of axe to grind and is giving an unfair and illogical review of this wonderful book. Dr Dobson has been a champion of children and families for decades and helps parents know how to have healthy boundries and fair boundries for their children. Sometimes "love must be tough" to be effective and to keep a child safe from his own destructive behavior... The idea that any form of spanking is child abuse is ridiculas at best and ignorant at worst. The key is to spank only when the child has directly disobeyed and to NEVER do it in anger, which is what Dr Dobson carefully explains. This type of spanking is NOT "out of control" and is always followed up by affection and reconcilliation between the parent and child...Dr Dobson helps parents know how to deal with a strong willed child so that they do not lose control but still have boundries and structure in the home. I think the previous reviewer who says she is the wife of a Pediatrician must not have had any strong willed children in her own household...Her recommendations would not "fly" with this type of personality. There are MANY parents that will attest to the fact that "time out" does not work with their strong willed child. If a strong-willed child feels that they control the home and dont have to obey authority, they grow up to be self indulgent and disliked by all and their future will be severly affected...This is just as much child abuse as someone who spanks out of control...There is a BIG difference between "spanking" and "hitting". She incorrectly assumes they are one and the same. Dr Dobson will teach you the difference in this important book! I also highly recommend his book called "Dare To Discipline" for those struggling with parenting. Dr Dobson is a God send in todays permissive culture!

Overall, this book was helpful to me as a mother. As a first time mom, with a young and very strong willed out of control daughter I was unsure about punishment/discipline. I watched "the nanny" on tv frequently and other shows with parenting advice, read some other books, searched online, etc.. Some books had some wacky ides that just seemed to make things worse and other books had decent information. Being a teacher, I see how poorly children can behave and that is the last thing I want for my child. What I liked the most out of this book was the advice on spanking. I like how it was explained. It's not appropriate for all children or ages. After reading this book, I stopped telling my husband we couldn't spank her because it was going to promote hitting, wasn't the socially acceptable thing to do, etc...etc... Time out was a huge waste of time for us. Once she realized we could enforce the rules with more consequences than the 3rd step (time out spot) her behavior has drastically improved. Both in preschool, swim lessons, home, at the grocery store....the list goes on. It's not ok for children to terrorize your home (or schools for that matter) and parents need to stand up to their children. Dr. Dobson believes in discipline and I commend him for that.

If you have a wonderful girly-girl wife but your child is hell-on-wheels, this may bring her down to earth. It's a nice reality check, especially if you are getting advice from modern therapists... fortunately she didn't let me dismiss them because they provided some excellent insights, but frankly they don't know your child or ours and shouldn't hold themselves out as more than advice-givers. The News in this book was a shock to my wife, who is sugar-and-spice. I knew our boy was all about winning at his games from birth because I was the same way and even after 50 years (yes, we're old for first-time parents) I remember all to well tormenting my mother who was essentially sugar-and-spice as well. But had I been any different, I would have been clueless. If you are reading this you have a sense of what I am writing about. Buy it, read it, and believe it. If you are inclined, skim over the Fundamentalist Christian sounding parts but do not be deterred - this is the real thing and will tell you like it is. We're half-inclined to begin the laying-on-hands though (I'm being half-facetious here) us Catholics don't go for that sort of thing and t was not necessary. Believe me, I pray every hour I'm with our little hellion. I believe that this book and Dr. Dobson have been inspired by God. It spoke to us - to me as someone with knowledge but no idea how to use it and to my wife as something completely new. Dr. Dobson has transcended time and geography to speak in two different languages at the same time to two very different people, to help us make good choices raising our very disturbed "normal" little Strong Willed boy. That's the kind of miracle I can believe in. This book was God-sent, and from my post here you can get the idea that I'm not prone to religious hyperbole.

I read this book when I had my first child when he was just three years old. Being a new parent, with a stubborn cold is very challenging and could turn your life into hell. It could lead to depression and desperation. The more we read the better we become. This book has taught me how to deal with my son and how to follow consequences it also gave me some ideas that I used and found very effective. When I found my friend in the same power struggle with her son I gave it to her so I highly recommend it.

First, three quotes from the book to help counter the hysterical claims that this book teachs us, "my child is wrong/abnormal" and that this book promotes "Christian dark ages abuse": "How then, are we to shape the will while preserving the spirit?" (pg. 79) This simple question perfectly sums up the entire book: how do we manage to raise a happy child without breaking their strong determined spirit? IF this book were all about destroying your child... why would we approach the child from this angle? "It is accomplished by establishing reasonable boundaries in advance and then enforcing them with love..." (pg. 79) ***Establishing boundaries is key*** and this book makes this very clear and offers the reader careful instruction on how to teach your child to respect normal human boundaries. A lot of you folk here that are branding this book as "child abuse!!" are probably the very types of parents that do not want to (or don't know how to) **establish boundaries** with your children. This book clearly instructs how to set boundaries ~ and either this frightens you or makes you feel very guilty for your own lack of boundaries with your out of control child. So, while you shrill against "The New Stron-Willed Child" the rest of us pay the miserable price as your child disrespects every single human being within earshot and reach. All while you, the parent, smile and pretend that everything is fine so that you don't have to actually work at parenting your kid, emotional wimps to the core. The third quote again sums up the goal of this book: "...while avoiding any implications that a child is unwanted, unnecessary, foolish, ugly, dumb, burdensome, embarassing, or a terrible mistake." (pg. 79) Parents that cry "This book teaches abuse!" : While *you* might never suggest any of those negative and unwelcome things to your own children, **the rest of the world will do so.** Like it or not, if you fail to do your job and fail to **teach your children to respect normal established human boundaries** then your child will suffer the frustrated and angry responses of the other parents and children around him. So, whild you avoid the emotional pain of teaching your child how to behave like a socially adjusted human being, you are fully to blame for that same child needlessly suffering the pain of being taught by **everyone else** how to respect boundaries. All that you are doing, by avoiding your job, is passing the buck ~ and your child will pay the price through public humiliation and confusion. So I'll tell you what, "The New Strong-Willed Child" is really a book written only for those of us that have the emotional courage to handle the oftentimes painful and difficult job (a constant job that can never be neglected) of, from day one, "establishing reasonable boundaries in advance and then enforcing them with love." As for the rest of you, the ones that can't handle it, don't whine when I let your child know when he/she is doing their best to bulldoze their way through healthy and perfectly normal boundaries. And if you shrill at me about, "You don't like my child!" ... I just might hand you a copy of, "The New Strong-Willed Child." Five Stars: and quit with the "Abuse!" nonsense, please.

James Dobson offers great advice and is at the top of his league when it comes to parenting and families! Thank u Dr Dobson!

Great advice and workable steps. Helps understand the child's psychology.

This is a religious text that promotes physical abuse of your child. It contains advice about how often to 'swat' your children and exactly where on the body to do it. The author constantly quotes the bible and attempts to prosletyse the reader. It is not based on logic or evidence.